Finding Forgiveness

Forgiveness must be one of the hardest things that God calls us to do! Yet it is the one thing that we desire the most for ourselves – that's when we are willing to admit that we have even done something wrong! Have you ever noticed that about yourself? You excuse your actions or try to lay some of the blame on someone else or on circumstances? Taking responsibility for our own mistakes and wrongdoings is very hard indeed but yes, we do always want to be forgiven for what we have done. Yet let someone else hurt us or our loved ones, we find it almost impossible to let go of that anger and bitterness that we feel towards them. We feel morally justified in our reaction to what they have done and consider forgiveness as a way of "letting them off the hook."

My ex-husband (deceased) once physically abused me, (I didn't stick around to let him do it a second time), and my parents were, understandably, furious. This was over twenty years ago and I had moved on with my life. One of the first things that I did when I became a Christian was to forgive him for all the things that he had done to both myself and my children. Although I never saw him face to face to do this, I forgave him in my heart. The relief that I felt when I did this was like having a large block of ice taken off my chest! About a year ago I was with my mother and we saw him in a mall where we were planning on doing some shopping. I was astounded at how much anger and bitterness she still carried towards him. She was equally amazed at the fact that I had forgiven him and seeing him didn't worry me in the slightest! I explained to her that her lack of forgiveness for what he had done would not have affected him in the slightest. The only person that her anger affected was herself! She held all those negative emotions in her heart and would bring them out to mentally "chew on" every now and again over the last twenty years.

Once she realized that she was only hurting herself and that forgiving him would benefit her even more than it would him, she was able to let go of that anger and pain. She was also able to forgive herself for not being able to protect me, something that she had been blaming herself for, unnecessarily, all these years. Not too long after that he made front page news. He was a scam artist and had finally been caught up with after fifteen years of low key activity. Shortly before his trial he died under rather peculiar circumstances. We were both able to feel pity for him because we had forgiven him. We both realized that even though he had done so much harm (the beating he gave me was just the final straw) we found no pleasure in his death or even relief. Our forgiveness did not change his life in any way, but it certainly changed ours. Walking around nursing old hurts and anger is very detrimental to our physical health and our spiritual healing and growth.

Although in our case we never got the opportunity to express our forgiveness, nor would it have made any difference if we had (he was a sociopath), there are so often times when we need to tell someone that we have forgiven them. Very often you will find that that person had no idea why you were so angry with them! This will often lead to a gradual restoration of the damaged relationship. It is a fact that most often the people we need to forgive are the people who have been closest to us. It is a simple fact of human nature that the ones we love the most are the ones who have the most power to cause us pain!

In addition to all of the benefits to ourselves in forgiveness, the question must be asked "what right do we have NOT to forgive?" When we consider how Jesus died, the torture he endured, just so that we could be forgiven of our sins – then we need to understand that with such a great sacrifice having been made for us, we must forgive others in return!

ABUNDANT LIVING – GOD’S WAY!

When I first heard the phrase "Abundant Living" I got terribly worried and wondered if this was a teaching on prosperity. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being wealthy, I just feel that too much emphasis is placed on it by society and some churches and people feel that they need to have a lot of money in order to be happy. Over the last year I have come to realize what this phrase really means (yes I know, I can be a tad slow sometimes!).

A year ago I had both the pleasure and the pain of spending time with a friend as she battled with cancer. I was privileged to sit with her at the oncology centre whilst she underwent a couple of chemotherapy treatments. This generally took a couple of hours and what an insight I received into the human spirit at that time. One gentleman there – I'll call him Tom, was the heart and soul of the centre. He too was there to receive his chemotherapy treatments, but he made it his business to keep everyone cheerful and focused on a future filled with good health. He planned parties and camping trips. He laughed, teased and joked with everyone present and never failed to make it clear how much he loved the Lord. He was living, despite his cancer, abundantly!

The lesson that I learned there was that happiness was not dependant on health or wealth but rather it is a condition of the heart. God has given us free will and thereby enabled us to choose how we are going to handle every situation that we are faced with. Wealth does not provide happiness at all. It may make our lives more physically comfortable and provide us with material goods, but it cannot and does not provide happiness. Certainly with wealth we also have the ability to help others, to be a positive influence in our community, but the percentage of wealthy people who actually do this is not very high. Wealth does not prevent a person from contracting life threatening diseases, nor does it lengthen your life-span in any way. It cannot avert tragedies from happening and the wealthy person feels as much emotional pain and suffering as the poorest person on the streets.

When God wanted us to live abundantly He wanted us to love abundantly, to have abundant joy, to pour our hearts into caring for those around us, wherever He places us. To know with all our hearts that He loves us so much that He was willing to send His precious Son to die for us. This knowledge should ignite a fire in our hearts to want to reach out to the lost and the hurting, the poor (both spiritually and materially) and the persecuted and to be His hands and feet in the lives of the people around us.

God may bless some people with abundant financial wealth, but as He has provided the blessing, He wants it to be used for His purposes. The more a wealthy person blesses others with their giving, the more blessing they will receive. Some people however, He blesses with abundant love! Those wonderful people, who cannot help but love others and commit their lives to caring for them. In this instance, Mother Theresa immediately comes to mind. She may have lived a very frugal life in one of the poorest countries in the world, surrounded by sickness and poverty, but she certainly lived her life abundantly!

I am sure that we can all think of examples of people either famous or within our immediate spheres who live abundantly the way that God intended them too! Their lives are filled with an inner peace and joy that cannot be explained and despite their financial position (or complete lack thereof, they are happy!

How can you live more abundantly? Is there more that you can do for your family? Can you spend more time with your spouse and children? Is there someone you know who has been unhappy lately that you could spend time with to help them through this difficult patch? Have you got money or food to spare for someone worse off than yourself? How many people have you hugged today or at least given a smile too? There are so many things that you can do to bring joy into the life of someone else and yet at the same time, get so much joy out of living! You could pray for people you know and through that prayer watch miracles happen in their lives! When you pray for someone you bring a petition on their behalf to our Creator…. What a wonderful gift that is!

Live life abundantly! Spend time with God every day; read His message of love to you – the Bible; be willing to do God's work and be a blessing in the lives of the people around you; smile often; hug regularly; pray constantly and try and see other people as God sees them.

Worry – the Joy Stealer!

One of my all time favourite sayings is "Worry is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere!" How very true! I don't know how many people I have known in my life who feel that it is necessary to "worry" about situations and people. They feel that if they are not worrying about their children, friends, whatever, that it means they don't care! What utter rubbish! I read once that "worry is a misuse of your God-given imagination." Now that is right on the nail! I have learned from personal experience that worrying about a situation will do absolutely nothing about it! Worrying robs you of precious time and energy that could be better spent in prayer, action and trusting God. In fact, worrying about something is the same as telling God that you do not think that He is capable of handling the situation! Let me give you a personal example of how worrying was the most ridiculous thing I could do.

We had been renting a home for about eighteen years. The children had grown up there, the schools were in walking distance, church was a five minute drive and all our friends were only a few short kilometers away. The house was not the best and the neighbourhood had deteriorated due to an influx of businesses into what had been an exclusively residential area, but it was home and we were happy. Our landlords then gave the administration of their properties over to their son, and within a few short months we had been given two months notice to evacuate as he wished to use the property for business purposes. This happened in mid-November and we had until mid- January to find a new home! Have you ever tried looking for property over the Christmas / New Year period? Things are just not happening at that time!!

I must confess that all my faith flew out the window and I was absolutely furious with God for doing this to me! How could He allow this to happen? There was nothing I could do but face the inevitable and so my husband and I began the frantic search for a new home. To cut a long story short, I didn't want to leave the main area we were in as I wanted to remain close to church and friends but the houses in the area were beyond our limited budget. Eventually, and all at the eleventh hour, God, to whom I had by then given over the entire messy situation, provided us with a home about 20 kilometres from our old area. So how did my situation change? I have a lovely little home (that belongs to us) with an enormous garden; five dogs; incredible variety of bird life; no traffic noise; less humidity, etc., etc. I still attend the same church and see my friends just as often now as I did then. The one difference is that I now have the space to entertain which I did not have before.

God took a situation that filled me with fear and despair and turned it into a wonderful blessing! I truly worried about nothing and should have trusted Him right from the start. I am currently facing another similar situation. Again, there is nothing that I personally can do to alter the events (all of which are just hearsay at the moment), but I can trust God. His purpose for our lives is not to rob us and steal our joy, but to give us what is best or us. We can come before Him with our concerns and fears but we do not need to worry because He is taking care of us!

Are Christians ‘Needy’ People?

I recently had the opportunity to speak to someone close to me about the Lord. This person (let's call her Jane) commented that she felt that it was not necessary to go to church to be a Christian. Her opinion of churches is that they are filled with 'needy' people! I was horrified! However, I felt that it was important that I take into consideration Jane's personality, her personal situation and worldview before commenting.

Jane has become very successful in her line of work. She is well known, sought after and has had several magazine articles published about her work. Her husband is also successful and they run their own business. They lack for nothing materially and both feel that they are well-balanced, intelligent, strong-willed and highly capable. Neither of them has really felt the need for God in their lives as they have been able to achieve all that they have done on their own without having to 'depend' on a higher power to see them through. They are, in their minds, self-made people.

I then considered what she had said about the types of people who attend church and realized that she definitely cast me into the needy category. You see, I had made some huge mistakes in my life which she was aware of and even though I have learnt from those mistakes, grown as a person, and am now using my past experiences combined with training, to counsel people, in her eyes I am a failure in life. I then considered all my wonderful friends in church and their situations and quite honestly, couldn't think of anyone who fitted the dictionary definition of 'needy'. Yet each one of them loved the Lord with all their hearts and souls and all came to church regularly. Most of them are actively involved in the church in some form or the other, facilitating cell groups, teaching bible study, leading worship, running the children's ministry, etc., etc. They do so happily, with no need to be coerced into helping out at all.

The dictionary definition of 'needy' is as follows; poor; underprivileged; emotionally dependant; deprived; disadvantaged. To me, that described the people that we serve! The HIV orphans living in shacks; the street children; the elderly – not the members of our church. I do know that despite the fact that most of the members of our church are middle-income families, they do have their personal problems just like everyone else! On further consideration I realized that Jane, despite her relative wealth, is just as needy as anyone else! You see, despite her healthy financial status, she never appears to be truly happy. Certainly if you were to ask her, she would insist that she leads a wonderful life and is perfectly content, but she lacks peace, is constantly chasing the next 'big job', and helps herself relax in the evenings with several glasses of wine before bed.

So after looking carefully at both groups of people, I decided that if Christians are 'needy' people I am so glad to be one. For the Christians I know and love are just as hard working as Jane, some are wealthier than her, some are not there yet, however they all have a wonderful, inner peace that comes from knowing that they are loved by their loving Father in Heaven. They have the joy of knowing that He has them safely in His hands and that He is there beside them through good times and bad. They also do not fear death, in fact many even talk of it with a sense of anticipation at the thought of finally being in Heaven with their maker, the infinite Creator of the Universe, who keeps the stars spinning yet is concerned with every tiny event in their lives! They have a sense of belonging, of extended family, of all being the children of God. They have a sense of purpose which they get from knowing that God has a plan for their lives, and that their lives matter, that if they are surrendered to Him, God will use them in amazing ways to advance His kingdom. That He cares for them and will bless them and shower them with His amazing love!

A needy person is very seldom able to give anything of themselves to others due to their physical or emotionally deprived state. That being the case I firmly believe that, with all the loving, kindness and generosity that is displayed by all the Christians that I know, they are certainly not the 'needy' ones!

Calm in the Chaos

Have you ever met one of those people who exude calmness and quietude? Despite the fact that they may be frantically busy and under pressure they always manage to appear as though nothing really bothers them. They frustrate the rest of us who rush around like headless chickens, and yet they are the ones we turn to in times of a crisis situation. Funny isn't it? We lambaste them for their apparent disorganization, their laid back ways, etc., and yet, in the long run they achieve just as much as we do – maybe more!

I have the privilege of knowing someone just like that. I am not saying that this person never worries about situations and even occasionally gets a trifle flustered, but there is a quiet strength and calm about them that never really leaves them. Until this morning I only had an inkling as to what the reason is for this person's behavior, and then I read Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says. "Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength." That is when I got it!! The light-bulb moment revealed to me that this person's quietness and confidence is a direct result of walking with the Lord. This person has been through as many trials and difficulties as anyone else and yet one would not think so on first getting to know them.

So what does this mean for the rest of us? Simply that we are not turning to God, not trusting Him with all aspects of our lives. We say that God is the "pilot" in our life's journey, and yet we are constantly wrenching the controls out of His hands. By saying that we must 'trust God" with our daily lives, does not mean that we must live "fatalistically". Rather we need to deal with each day's difficulties as best we can, but trust that God, who does have our best interests in His heart, will see to the outcome of every situation.

When you are able to live your life fully resting in God's arms, then you too can be calm no matter what situations come your way. No-one is perfect, yet by trusting God we are given His strength to face life's challenges, and the result of choosing to do this will be that we too can become a calm haven in a world of chaos. We too, can lend our strength to others and have the calm assurance in our lives that, no matter what happens, God is ultimately in control.

DETOURS AND SIDE ROADS

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour!" This quote was one that I had to re-read several times to really "get" it. I don't know how you feel about detours and side roads but I am one of those people who likes to have my whole trip mapped out in advance. I make lists of all the things that I need to take with me, tick them off before leaving and like to know exactly how long the journey will take and try to plan ahead for all eventualities! Stop laughing!! Yes, I am a bit of a "control freak" in that way. In fact, a joke amongst my friends and family is a small cosmetic bag that I have packed and keep in my car – it contains (amongst other things) pain killers, nail clippers, scissors, band aids, an emergency blanket, tape measure, calculator, note pad, energy bars, energy tablets, guitar strings, pen-knife, etc., etc. I would just like to point out that I am not the one who has had a need for anything from my bag, but several of my friends have!!

Anyway, my point is that no matter what precautions we take we can never know just what life is going to throw at us. No matter how much planning we do for a trip we cannot control the weather conditions, the potholes, road-works, accidents and other things that take place that may cause us to have to select an alternative route to our intended destination.

That is why I am so glad to have the Creator of the Universe in my corner and in control. No matter what plans we may have for our lives, if we surrender everything to God and let him be the driving force in our daily living, He will always get us to the best place we can be! God only wants us to live for Him, to live our lives doing His will and if we do that, we can be sure of an interesting time and that the journey He takes us on will be for more rewarding than anything we can plan for ourselves.

So if your best laid plans don't seem to be going the way you want them to, no matter how much prayer you have dedicated to them, then just enjoy the detour God is taking you on and trust Him to get you to your destination. He always has your best interests at heart because he totally adores you!

WHERE IS GOD?

I am currently feeling as though God has left the building! That I am standing on a crumbling ledge with no where to go but down. Intellectually I know that this is not true. But knowing something in my head doesn't always connect with what is in my heart!

I know that most times when someone feels like this it is because they have experienced some tragedy or crisis. Alternatively the day to day problems just seem to get to a point where they are too heavy to carry any longer and you just want to turn your back on everything, walk out the door and keep on walking! In my case my depression has been rearing its ugly head telling me that I am a waste of a human skin, worthless, useless and my life always has been and always will be meaningless! Not a very pleasant place to be let me assure you.

So what do we do when these feelings take a grip on our hearts and minds? Do we give ourselves a pep talk and say "buck up, you are just being silly", do we ignore how we are feeling and try to pretend that all is well and simply keep ourselves so busy that we do not have time to think about how we are feeling. Or do we allow the strong pull of depression to suck us down to the very bottom of its miserable black hole and wallow in our pain and misery? Well I tried the pep talk, it didn't work! I am too tired to pretend but have decided that I have had enough time in that black hole to never want to go back down there again. But believe me, the mouth of that hole is treacherously slippery and it is an uphill battle to pull out of it.

The only thing that we can do is call out to God and know that He hears our cries! He has promised to never leave us and because He is Truth, He cannot lie! There are times though when He is silent, as we may have a lesson to learn from the situation that we are going through. That does not mean that He is not still with us and ultimately still loving us completely!

We have to remember that God pursues us with His love. He wants all of us to come to Him but will never force us. He gives us the choice of following Him or not! So if He is going to devote so much time and thought and love on US then He will not leave our side or let us down, no matter how bleak our situation may be.

So that is where God is, even in our darkest times – He is right beside us, waiting lovingly and patiently for us to acknowledge Him and understand that when we feel worthless, we are not because He loves us, created us and has a purpose for our lives. When we wonder why we are still alive and other, more deserving people are not, it's because He hasn't finished with us yet! When we feel as though we are standing alone on a crumbling ledge, He is wanting us to trust Him and take a step of faith out in to what seems like a vast nothingness but is actually the start of another part of His wonderful plan for our lives!